Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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