I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
