I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
