hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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