i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Naked Twister starts at high noon
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
