I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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