Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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