Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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