I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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