with your own penis?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
