I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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