just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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