Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
