he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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