Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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