Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
