Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
