What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
