Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
