if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
