the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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