my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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