you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
