It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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