i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
