Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
