I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
