so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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