Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
