waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
