2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
