Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
