The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize