Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
