yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
