i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
