she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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