I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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