if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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