Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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