just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
