There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
