Your dad touched me again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
