im drinking this country out of the recession.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
