I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
