it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
