Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
