All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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