I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
