i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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