He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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