real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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