Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
