I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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