I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
