i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
