Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
